About Us
Product Assortment
It's simple to stock up with a weird mix of products. We‘re skewed heavily toward random gems like chainsaws, pool floats, and storage totes - heavily enough that it might make you a little concerned. It’s okay, though, we‘re concerned too!
Quick, Reliable Service
We couldn't build a sustainable business model but darnit if we didn't try hard and screw a lot of people along the way. Flimsy over-reliance on one marketplace and one delivery service? We've got you covered!
Satisfaction Guaranteed
Shipping times are about average, customer service is excellent, and talent has departed in droves. At this point, our site for ex-employees to get their W2s probably has more traffic than our storefront.
Careerss
Best Place to Work
Don’t worry about that downward slope, it’s because not everyone is a culture fit okay? We’re the best place to work and we’re going to make a lot of money and you know it’s true because we said so. See our open positions and apply here - drink the kool aid!
More Platitudes
Insert nebulous or irrelevant inspirational quote here. That's a great substitute for not having experience. Better yet, modify a quote from someone famous and soon everyone will forget the sketchy corporate governance once you put a ding in the universe.
Perks and Rewards
Every great business starts with a strong foundation. So when you recruit your friends to work here, you get rewarded. Then when your friends start, they can recruit their friends and get rewarded - all strengthening the echo chamber, err I mean team. Plus, you, your family, and friends can all get store discounts and cool t-shirts so everyone wins while building the pyramid together.
Dog Friendly Offices
Bring your dog to work! Except in most locations. Dogs aren't okay in most locations, nor are concerns about safety or profitability. In fact, we'll work you like a dog in the fulfillment centers. By working 100+ hours a week and sleeping in your car, you'll be rewarded financially because you won't need to pay for an actual residence. And you'll be rewarded by being part of something great.